Tag Archives: cute

You love cats because you’re an American, damnit.

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I would like to invite you all to take a break from your busy day to think about cats.

Meow.

This is an image of Grumpy Cat in front of a background image of space.

Space? NO.

I bet you all recognize our super special celebrity kitty in the above image. Do not pretend that you do not. It’s Grumpy Cat! Yay! I chose the above image because it brings together two of my favorite things – cats and space. Let’s take a look at another image:

This is an image of Grumpy Cat with the text NO over his image next to a picture of John Boehner frowning.

This guy? NO.

Can you name the ugly man beside our furry little rockstar here? Maybe, maybe not. But certainly, everyone recognizes Grumpy Cat! Yay! I chose the second image because it brings together two of my other favorite things – cats and making fun of the GOP. What I’m doing here is trying to make a point (albeit a very poorly-executed one). I think I can pretty confidently say that 100% of people who use the Interwebs in America could successfully identify Grumpy Cat! Yay! And I am confidently guessing that less than 50% could positively ID John Boner (oops sorry, Boehner. I always do that!) This is because kitties have entered into the big wide world of memery™ because AMERICA IS F*%@#$* OBSESSED WITH CATS!

This is a photograph of the back of someone's vehicle on which they have a large decal of an American flag with several housecats in the foreground.

What’s more patriotic than loving the shit out of cats?

If you are a true American (aka cat fetishist), you will know that kitty-human love started with agriculture forever ago (12,000 yearsish) when people decided to corral the kitties in their backyard to hunt garden ratsees and miceys. Sorry, this happens to my speech when I think about kitties. I wonder what Fertile Crescent farmers would think about us eventually bringing these furry little murderers into our homes and obsessing about them on the Interwebs.

This is a photograph of a cat indoors and the flash made its eyes glow bright green.

Take me to your cat nip. And I won’t murder you.

One theory I read about cat obsession is that we love these little guys because their “large eyes, small button noses, and little mouths” remind us of human infants. Gross! So we all love the kitties because each and every one of us is just a baby-makin’ machine?! You cannot argue with the obsession. It is a very real thing. I’ll leave it up to you to decide where this obsession stems from. As for me? I think these fuzzy little warriors were bestowed upon us by the magical forces of the universe as a way to keep us from becoming complete assholes. Just try to look at this little guy without saying “awwwwww.” :3

This is a photograph of a tiny orange fluffy kitten.

My little fluttering heart is going to explode with cuteness.